By Rosa Luxembourgeoise
Did you know that Governor Rod Blagojevich was interviewed on The Daily Show and didn’t realize that it was a comedy show, haha, what a moron? Haha, silly hair-wielding, Mamet-channelling, Governor! But here’s the thing : it doesn’t matter, because he was actually kind of awesome, defending his executive order forcing pharmacists to fill womens’ signed prescriptions for birth control, including the morning-after pill!
This leads to very uncomfortable questions about this one-man entertainment-Schadenfreude-extravanganza a nation (and beyond!) so desperately need to mock and despise in these clusterfucked times : what if he actually was a decent Governor, dashing all hopes that angry mobs can reduce him to a cartoonish villain, thus expiating their own pathetic transgressions, because that is the very definition of “fun ” in pre-fascist states?
Worry not. This son of an anti-Communist Chetnik is just a regular Chicago thug politician, whose shitty record as Governor of Illinois includes the provision of healthcare to all children, free screening for cervical and breast cancers for all uninsured women, a 5.9 billion dollar investment in education, preschool access for all (except Chicago Tribune editorialists!), the increase of minimum wage (twice!), the Employee Classification Act– to stop construction contractors from misclassifying their employees as independent contractors to avoid tax and labor law obligations, (haha, wish that was applied to bloggers?)—support for unions, generally, free mass transit for seniors, the aggressive pursuit of pay-equity, and on the eve of his arrest, standing in solidarity with the workers of Republic Windows and Doors, threatening the Bank of America with an Illinois boycott!!!
WTF, BLAGO, ARE YOU A SECRET COMMUNIST, OR WHAT???
But anyway he is totally guilty of everything, including making Lincoln roll in his grave, which a sourpuss former federal prosecutor claims may be “inflammatory” language, and potentially taint a jury pool, because presumption of innocence, right to a fair trial, bla bla bla, yawn, and yet another characterizes as some kind of ethical lapse by a “repeat offender” (the US Attorney, not Blago!), and we will all be outraged and riot when the Grand jury fails to indict him, as some silly legal scholar suggests might just happen!
WAY TO RUIN A PERFECTLY GOOD LYNCHING, LAWYER PEOPLE, AND YOUR STUPID “RECORD”, BLAGO!!!
What a good instinct, Rosa Luxembourgeoise, to consider the possibility that “he actually was a decent Governor”, which makes me wonder, what if those who pursue him were regressive, evil retards.
What do these (automatically generated) links mean?
I once was in Chicago on a business trip and saw Governor Blagojevich at The Berghoff taking a wad of cash from Barack Obama. I didn’t know it was Blagojevich then, but you can’t forget that upper lip, and I recognized him instantly when he was arrested!
@H: I hear that it’s a devilish sort of “online” spam, Sir.
I have a team of belligerent Venezuelan orphans clean them up once a day. If they are lax in their approach, or let something get through, I order Hans to punish them using the spam-broom with 3-15 “lashes” across the back of their scrawny, under-fed necks.
Needless to say, whenever you see something like that just imagine an orphan being physically abused by a mute, muscular German.
Yours
Johann Von Wertschmacker
Publisher
Oh, Rosa. Here’s the thing: polishing a bunch of knobs doesn’t make you a good Governor. I read that “good record” paragraph as a litany of handouts with the occassional social policy victory. Whoopee! Since when is cutting checks governing? Feel free to answer in the form of either a cutting pro-labor insult or clever quip.
Also, it is convenient to the demonization of this man that his wiretap transcripts make him sound like a Napoleonesque middle-managing blowhard.
Dismal: Napoleon enacted the Napoleonic Code: now that was motherfucking governance!
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